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I can’t even watch a damn show without it reminding me of you. I don’t know how to fix this. Not talking to you never helped. Talking to you doesn’t help. I know people always say it takes time but how much damn time. It’s been nearly 5 years. Some days it’s good, some days it’s hard to function. I tried really hard to change for you way back then. I tried to be the sort of guy you’d be proud to take home to your parents, but it never took. Now I’m worried losing you has changed me, but in the opposite direction. I know you think you know who I am, but it’s the me from then. I don’t even know who I am now. 

I don’t think you have any idea how much you mess with my head. 

Sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel, and from here on out I’m not gonna feel anything new– just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.


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